A Countdown To Vincent
by Carbuncle
Summary: You are invited to Vincent Valentine's birthday party. (Sorry the invitation's a little late.)


FINAL FANTASY VII  
  
A Countdown To Vincent  
  
"Ah, 'tis but yet another day in the life of Vincent Valentine," Vincent yawned, as he pulled himself out from his coffin. "Now, let me see..."  
  
He looked over at the calendar on the basement wall. It read, "October 13th, 2001." The date was also circled with a big red... circle.  
  
"Hmm, I wonder why on earth that particular date would be marked out like that..." Vincent paced the basement back and forth. "Aha! It must be circled because today must be a very important day for some reason, but the question on my mind is: what is so special about today?"  
  
Meanwhile, over at Tifa's Nibelheim home, the entire party had gathered in the bedroom (?!) to discuss Vincent's birthday.  
  
"Okay everyone," Tifa said. "Now as you all know, today is Vincent's birthday so..."  
  
Tifa paused as Yuffie began to twitch awkwardly.  
  
"...so let's all talk about tonight's party, 'kay?"  
  
"Party?" Cloud wondered. "What party?"  
  
"The party we're gonna set up for Vincent."  
  
"Why would we wanna set up a party for Vincent?" Cloud thought. "He's a piece of crap."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I know Vincent isn't exactly a barrel of laughs, but-"  
  
"You've got that right," Cloud interrupted. "He's about as much fun as an electric eel stuffed down your pants... or in your bra if you're a chick."  
  
"Yeah, I agree with Cloud," Yuffie squarked. "Vincent's boring, man! All he does is spout all this crap about doom, gloom and occassionally, the mess in his room. He's like, so depressin'! I mean, pass the coffee!"  
  
"Shut up, ho!" Barrett yelled. "He's no worse than you!"  
  
"Oh really?!" Yuffie retorted. "At least I don't spend all my time locked up in some dark, secluded basement like a sad weirdo!"  
  
"Guys, guys!" Cid cut in. "Stop your fightin', alright?! Vincent ain't that bad. He can be pretty damn funny when he wants."  
  
  
"Why did the Chocobo cross the stream?" Vincent asked.  
  
"Uh, I dunno," Cid said.  
  
"To get to the other side!" Vincent laughed.  
  
"...riiight." Cid rolled his eyes.  
  
  
"Uh, or am I thinkin' of Red XIII?"  
  
"What?" Red XIII questioned.  
  
"Nothin'," Cid sighed.  
  
"Alright," Tifa begun, "I thought we'd have the party here in my place, so if one of you guys could go down into his basement and somehow convince Vincent to come out up here into the sunlight, then we can start the celebrations in style. You all bought him a present right?"  
  
"No..." Cloud slurred.  
  
"I'll sort out the gifts," Cait Sith said.  
  
"Fine," Tifa mumbled. "Aeris, can you go and fetch Vincent?"  
  
"...you mean you want *me* to go down into that horrible, dark, death trap of a basement?" Aeris shivered.  
  
Tifa sighed. "Yes, do you have a problem with that?"  
  
Aeris frowned and then left the house. She walked through the town and entered the Shin-Ra mansion. She climbed the staircase, walked slowly across the corridor, and went down into the secret passage. The steps leading to the basement had rotted slightly over the years, but Aeris managed to get down in one piece. She wandered through the underground cavern and opened the basement door. Inside, was Vincent.  
  
"Vincent?" Aeris questioned.  
  
Vincent spun round. "Oh, hello Ancient. How find you on this fine day?"  
  
"Uh, I have no idea what you just said, but you're needed over at Tifa's house."  
  
"Ah Tifa, the materia thief," Vincent said. "I always knew she had a soft spot for yours trully."  
  
"Um, Tifa is the barhostess from Midgar. I think you've got her confused with Yuffie."  
  
"This is all very well and good, but I'm afraid I cannot comply. You see, Ancient, I have discovered that today is a very special day, although for the life of me I cannot figure out why it is so special."  
  
"Well... maybe if you come upstairs, you'll find out," Aeris gurgled.  
  
"Upstairs? Oh no, I'm afraid that isn't possible. I have roots here, you see?"  
  
"Look Vincent," Aeris growled, "just shut up and follow me!"  
  
"Follow you? Why on earth for?"  
  
"Because it's your birthday, you fool," Aeris groaned. "It's your birthday and the others have, God knows why, organised some kind of party for you!"  
  
"M-My birthday?!" Vincent squealed. "Of course! Today is my birthday! My birthday! The date of my birth!"  
  
"Yes! So let's go and get stoned!" Aeris stormed off out of the basement.  
  
"Yes, I shall be right there," Vincent said. He picked up his shotgun and went out into the cavern to join Aeris. "Lead the way!"  
  
They both began the walk back towards the staircase. Suddenly, some vampire bats flew out from the darkness and attacked Aeris.  
  
"Aah! Get them off me!" she screamed.  
  
"Do not panic, Ancient!" Vincent howled. "They cannot hurt you if you do not move! Try to remain as still as possible!"  
  
"Aah!" Aeris froze immediately. The bats, however, seemed to think she had simply given up the fight. They continued to bite into her skin, as she began to bleed to death. Eventually she collapsed onto the ground in exaustion.  
  
"Oh," Vincent said, "I was sure they would have stopped. Oh well, I have a party to go to."  
  
THE END__________ 


End file.
